在美国, 又到了家家户户放火鸡的时候了, 馅料和南瓜派——来庆祝感恩节, a great reminder to express gratitude for the blessings in life and for those around you.
不幸的是，这是外围十大菠菜app每天需要一次的提醒，而不是一年一次.
但向他人表达外围十大菠菜app的感受可能很困难，尤其是在工作场所. 有时候表达出你为什么感激某人是很困难的, 更不用说在有问题的时候面对别人了.
大约10年前, 帮助外围十大菠菜app的人改善人际沟通和关系, 外围十大菠菜app开发了 像领导者一样倾听, a class our team members take through Barry-Wehmiller University and people outside our company take through BW 领导学院 (now 查普曼 & Co. 领导学院, 点击这里阅读更多)或外围十大菠菜app的非营利组织， 外围十大菠菜app的社区倾听. 这个班的毕业生，外围十大菠菜app的朋友 克里斯汀偃角，首席执行官 学生女仆最近出版了她的第一本书， 允许搞砸:我是如何通过做几乎所有错误的事情来学会领导的. 你可以听到她谈论她的领导之旅 在“人人都重要”播客的最近一期节目中.
克里斯汀从课堂上得到的一个收获是给别人反馈的一种方式. We call the formula behavior + feeling + impact, but Kristen rechristened it the “FBI.”
Here’s an excerpt from her book where she explains a very simple formula to keep in mind, 不仅仅是在工作场所, 但在日常生活中.
It might even be helpful over the dinner table for those of us celebrating Thanksgiving.
摘自《外围十大菠菜app》第三章:
鲍勃·查普曼是Barry-Wehmiller的首席执行官, 这是一家市值30亿美元的设备和工程公司. 路易在全球拥有12000多名员工. We met when I was invited to speak at an intimate conference he hosted at his ranch in Aspen, 多年前，我在学生女仆网站上介绍了三明治反馈法. 如果我不经营自己的公司，我想为鲍勃·查普曼工作. If you were to ask him about his company, he wouldn’t start by talking about the machines they build. 相反，他会说, “外围十大菠菜app通过影响他人生活的方式来衡量自己的成功, 这体现在外围十大菠菜app所做的每件事上.”
I love Barry-Wehmiller because everything it does is about helping its people thrive. 多年来, 该公司 has offered a communications course that is known for dramatically changing the interpersonal relationships of Barry-Wehmiller’s team members—not just at work, 在家里也是一样. 事实上, the class was so successful that 查普曼 and his team decided to create a powerful three-day training and offer it to those outside 该公司 through an entity called the Barry-Wehmiller Learning Institute. 自从课程开始以来, more than ten thousand people from inside and outside Barry-Wehmiller have taken the class, 叫做像领导者一样倾听, 我很幸运能成为他们中的一员. 我就是在这里了解到联邦调查局的一切——不，不是那个联邦调查局. 在这种情况下, the FBI is an approach to giving feedback that is light- years beyond the sandwich method in terms of effectiveness. The class helped me understand that the problem with the way most people give feedback—whether it’s sandwiched between positive affirmations or not—is that we don’t deliver it in a way that inspires the recipient to change their behavior. Barry-Wehmiller告诉外围十大菠菜app，如果你想给出真正有效的反馈, 你需要传达三件事:你的感受, 让你有这种感觉的具体行为, 以及这种行为对你的影响, 该公司, 你和那个人的关系, 或者其他任何东西.
Feeling-Behavior-Impact. F. B. I.
Here’s an example of an FBI statement: “I feel disappointed that you were thirty minutes late to the meeting yesterday afternoon, 现在我不确定将来还能不能依靠你.”
让外围十大菠菜app来分析一下它的神奇之处.
Feeling: The more you can focus on how you feel and not on how you perceive the other person feels, 接收方对你陈述的异议就越少. 例如, 如果有人迟到了，你告诉他们, “你不关心你的责任,，你就为争论性和防御性的回应打开了大门:那不是真的. 我真的在乎! 如果你说, “我很生气。,”“我感到很沮丧,或“我感到失望。,你几乎没有留下辩论的余地.
Behavior: The recipient needs to know what they did that caused you to feel a certain way, 你能说得越具体, 更好的. 如果你简单地说, “你迟到了。,那个人可能很难准确地指出这种行为的具体例子, 特别是如果你等了几天再和他们谈这件事.
Impact: People generally don’t wake up in the morning and say, “I want to ruin so-and-so’s day.” They don’t usually intend for their behavior to negatively impact anyone or anything. When they know that it has, they will likely try to make sure it doesn’t happen again. 在这个特殊的例子中, 当你告诉别人，他们的行为让你怀疑他们的可靠性, you are showing them the consequences of being late and inspiring them to want to do differently next time.
但是等等. 有更多的.
联邦调查局也是获得认可的完美工具. 我甚至不知道有什么正确的方式来给予认可. 我一直认为，只要我说了什么，它就意味着什么.
好吧, 事实证明, 就像模糊的评论不能帮助别人改变他们的消极行为一样, 随意的赞美(比如“你太棒了”)!!!!)不会激励任何人继续做伟大的事情. 外围十大菠菜app不应该仅仅为了赞美别人而赞美他们. It’s like the whole Participation Generation thing: If we tell people they are awesome at everything, 他们怎么知道自己真正擅长什么? 而不是感谢人们的出现和做他们应该做的事, we should look for what they do that is above and beyond and acknowledge them for those things.
这里也是一样. 当你认出一个联邦调查局的人, 告诉他们他们给你的感觉, 让你有这种感觉的行为, 以及他们行为的影响. 当外围十大菠菜app把三个部分都给了别人, 他们通常会受到激励，一遍又一遍地重复这种行为.
Here’s an example: “I felt grateful when you stayed late last night to help me with the report, 这让我能及时赶回家哄孩子们睡觉.”
Guess who is likely going to volunteer to stay late again the next time you need help?
我在Barry-Wehmiller的课上学到了很多东西，但是FBI是最厉害的. 它简单、容易、有效. 我希望学生女佣的每个人都是FBI专家. Not because 该公司 was experiencing anything like those drama-filled days from years ago, but because I didn’t want our students to have to wait for an online survey to share their concerns. 我希望他们能够尽快给出反馈, 并且知道如何亲自传达他们的信息, 而不是躲在屏幕后面. 接下来的几个月, 当然是经过允许的, I developed a half-day workshop that incorporated some of the things I’d learned from Barry-Wehmiller, 其中包括联邦调查局局长. 在课堂上的参与, 而且还在继续, a requirement for every single member of our team; they are paid to attend.
今天, 联邦调查局不仅完全取代了学生女佣的三明治法, 但他们也消除了匿名调查的需要. 因为外围十大菠菜app教会了外围十大菠菜app的学生一种有效的方式来面对他们的同龄人, 他们觉得自己有能力面对面地解决人际问题. 学生女佣的每一个人, 那些领导外围十大菠菜app公司的人, our students—now has an extremely effective way to give any member of our team corrective feedback, 外围十大菠菜app鼓励他们尽可能当面告诉外围十大菠菜app. 外围十大菠菜app只是走到对方面前说，“嘿，我需要给你一个FBI。.“就是这么简单. 如此简单，事实上，外围十大菠菜app的学生选择在工作之外使用它. 取, 例如, the student who told me she used an FBI to confront her professor when she felt she was being unfairly picked on in class. 在她给联邦调查局报告后，教授不再取笑她了.
fbi甚至让我重新考虑外围十大菠菜app的WOW墙.
那堵墙哪儿也没去. 它现在更大更漂亮了，而且仍然是外围十大菠菜app办公室里很受欢迎的地方. 这仍然是外围十大菠菜app的学生如何看待外围十大菠菜app的客户对他们工作的评价. But while many of our customers do fill out the surveys, there are still many who never do. Which means there’s a good chance that there are some students who are doing amazing work and not being recognized for it on the wall. 想起过去，我就很难过, there may have been team members who went home day after day wondering if anyone even noticed their efforts. 事实证明，WOW墙并不是匿名问题的完美解决方案. 不过，联邦调查局的情况非常接近.
FBIs have taught us to acknowledge our students frequently for the ways in which they contribute to our team and 该公司: picking up a shift last minute, 帮外围十大菠菜app办点事, 从厨房的洗碗机里拿东西. When we see someone carting their cleaning supplies into the office with sweat dripping down their face after a grueling day, 外围十大菠菜app有办法真诚地告诉他们，他们的辛勤工作对外围十大菠菜app意味着什么. 外围十大菠菜app甚至创建了第二个WOW墙, where team members write FBIs to recognize one another and pin them up for all to see. Our students have also gotten into the habit of giving us—the leaders of 该公司—FBIs when we go above and beyond (cue the warm and fuzzies). 前联邦调查局, I imagine some of those leading my company were also going home after work wondering if anyone appreciated their efforts. 如今，他们不再需要怀疑.